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| Laurel Wreath. 3rd or 4th A.D. |
Dear
Judge;
I’m
in paternal agony . . . you have imprisoned my son. He has lost his liberty,
and our hearts which beat as one, now beat as two. This causes us to suffer,
and makes your decision difficult.
My
heart recalls when I was pleased with my son. He glowed in all virtues of
character, including ardency and generosity. Granted his disposition was
sprinkled with romantic eccentricity, but marked with traces of natural
righteousness. I watched him rush forward in life, enamored by goodness and
incredulous by evils. During his college vacation, we spoke of liberal
professions that I had chosen for him, and he agreed that they were pleasant to
his disposition and not disapproving to his taste. Those prospects seemed to
rouse and gratify his ambition, but his flame was quickly extinguished by his
destructive behavior.
In
vain, I followed him through every degree of imprudence. While I beheld him in
visionary hopes shining conspicuously in the galaxy of inspirations,
illuminated by sparkles of his promising genius, he presided as the high priest
of the libertines. He behaved without a sense of responsibility by embracing
nocturnal orgies and other disreputable pursuits. His actions were more heart
wounding to me than painful to him.
Due
to the liquidation of my son’s debts, I am in great financial distress. Such
financial strain persuades me to retreat into solitude as I struggle to free
him from the chains of ironclad creditors. I hope my sacrifice will be
sufficient to win your confidence. In time, your decision is as momentary as a
bolt of lightning, but it will determine the destiny of my son. Will my son’s
destiny be my desire, or will the bowels of darkness devour him? In exchange
for the deliverance of him from prison, he promises to renounce all his
transgressions, and prepare for sacrifice.
My
heart suffers. I am a reckless and wasteful derelict that is not worthy of
being called your son. Abandon me . . . I beg you. I can no longer support your
cruel mercy to avert this weight of justice upon my chest. Deliver me to that
destiny that I have made, that pattern of errors and follies that I have woven.
I am able to sustain the judgment that my own vices have drawn. Please allow me
to bear this alone.
Among
the catalogue of my faults, I do have contempt for my selfishness. As a result
of my selfish behavior, I have deservedly become the subject of unpleasantness,
and now represent someone who is undesirable. If I accept your generous offer,
you may no longer adorn that polished circle in which you so nobly calculated
to move amongst. Please do not think of me . . . I will not purchase my liberty
at your expense.
I
am etc. etc.
Your
letter was written in haste, exaggerated by your emotions and without proper
thought. You have already embroidered―exiled―across your chest, which makes me
weary. Your inability to coolly examine the situation convinces me that this
experience has contributed little to the modification of your feelings, or the
prudent regulation of your conduct. It is your emotional response and contempt
for prudence that is the cause of your difficulties. The standard, the
director, the regulator for all virtues is prudence.
If
you would display restitution for what you seem to lament, and unite it with
penitence, I will become your partner. But I plead with you to abandon that
Penal Island, those misguided pursuits, those old haunts, and those wayward
associations. What becomes a man is modesty and humility. You should exchange
your extravagance for a more moderate form of fare nature. At this time, you
must to stand firm with the scars that bind you, and follow your better spirit.
I
will join you for the summer at my home on the Point. With its lush scenery and
solitary shore, it may settle your impulsivity, and redirect your energies into
a more desirable direction. I will contact my steward to prepare my home for
your arrival.
Farewell!
I
agonize on the bed of creditors. They have seized and tied me to an iron frame,
and for collateral they want to stretch me to death. I am ashamed of myself. I
spent money on frivolous pursuit, and now must lean on you for financial
support. I have stabbed you through the heart, a heart which still pulses with
generous affection for me.
I
will give you a report of my high crimes and misdemeanors. It is true―I have an
adherence to do what is right, and a propensity to do what is wrong. I have no
doubt that I will suffer further . . . from the state, and from your fees.
You
know me. I have committed the original sin. How many times―I do not know. Women
are omnipotent . . . they may lead a man to noble pursuits, or seduce him to
primal instincts. It is their spell lures and entices me. My tastes and senses
have been made numb from my lecherous and lustful desires of the obscene. My
passions were greater than my desire for control. I gave promises for sums
which I could not satisfy, and now live with the threat of prosecution.
A
letter came from my father. As usual, it was couched in terms of reprehension,
and intervals of tenderness. With judicial exactitude, he noted every flaw of
mine, and associated my faults with his paternal incapacity. He reflected on
the sparkles of my success, my college years and innate curiosity. He recalled
a conversation we had―I accused him of being biased towards his eldest son. He
spoke of the excellence of Naro, but the failures of mine. I felt loose from my
mooring of reason and nature. I inhabited a world of wish fulfillment or in
this case, a nightmare.
He
has asked me to retire for a few months at the Point. My heart wrenches for
desiring to be banished to a place more interesting, like some savage place in
the South Sea Islands or an Eskimo hut. My memory of the Point, the land of the
drear and drizzles, consists of scenes that dampen my heart. As the stars are
my witness, my thoughts are not of penitence. Oh how much―I need to get over
myself, but I know not how?
Please
send me some charcoals, and a reliable thermometer. It will allow me to
ascertain the chill in the air. I hope this will help relieve the tedium of my
days. I intend to spend my time meditating on my problems.
Regards,
LeBac








